1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight, it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a
pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive,
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like
you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?
I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south.
4. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive
three weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old.
Yeah, we saw "Bambi," too. We got over it.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in,
we will shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish, and crawdads. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
10. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women
will get you jack-slapped, by our women.
11. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.
12. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order chili. Order BarBQ.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad
and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
13. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes:
meats, vegetables, and breads. We use four spices ~ lots of
salt, pepper, Jalapenos and Tobasco sauce.
14. You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown,
wet, served over ice and plenty of it!
You bring "Hooch" into my house it better have 4 legs, a tail,
and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or turkey.
You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to
drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of
sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.
16. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
18. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education
and a love for God and Texas, and they still wave at passing
when they come home for the holidays.
19. We have a Texas Navy, Texas Army, Texas Rangers & a Texas Guard, so, "Don't Mess With Texas".
If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!
20. Our military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man, woman,
and child owns at least four firearms and has taken a Certified
Shooter Education Course.
21. Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said,"Texas can make it without the United States,