When our assignment of either writing a five-page document or saying a five-minute speech came up for psychology class, I thought long, and hard. It would be very easy to say a speech for five minutes to the class and that would be over and done. As it is very hard for me to talk to a group I considered writing. My topic will be depression.
A depression seems sometimes to mold a person's life. It is responsible for how you feel, makes you have religious preoccupations and worries about the meaning of life. When you are feeling very low it is extremely hard to pick yourself up and continue on with the necessary things of life. I have dwelt with depression for about 25 years. In order for you to understand, I have to tell you my story.
I was born in Stafford Springs, Connecticut in 1949. I was one among 10 children. My father was a paint contractor and wallpaper hanger. My mother was a housewife. I was child number 6. I had five brothers and was the fourth oldest of the four youngest. I also had three sisters. In my childhood we lived in a house that was very old and needed a lot of handiwork. The house was very cold and it had no running water. Looking back to on this, I have a hard time to understand how my mother dwelt with having all those children and so few conveniences.
When I was a really young baby, the Jehovah's Witnesses came into our lives. The Jehovah's Witnesses prey upon people that are depressed, have lost someone they loved, or sometimes after someone has been involved in a very bad relationship. The Jehovah's witnesses go from door to door preaching what they say is the good news of God's kingdom. Many people are deceived because they will come to their door with a smile on their face, a Bible in their hands, while talking about paradise on earth. Of course this paradise on earth is very conditional and it only belongs to that one limited group. Their religious belief is that everybody who isn't a Jehovah's Witnesses will find himself or herself killed at this great battle of Armageddon. In this religion you are not allowed to do many things, celebrate the holidays, associate with other people that are not Jehovah's witnesses, salute the flag, or even sing patriotic songs. This religion is terribly controlling and it is discriminating against the woman. The woman is to be in total submission of the man as the man is the head of the household.
Another one of the beliefs that are very prevalent in the watchtower system is that if you are married to a person that is not of the watchtower and you are a woman you do not have to listen to this person. I believe that is why mom got really entangled into this religion. She needed an escape from the control and manipulation of her husband, my father. Mom was very easygoing, very kind, generous, and caring. Mom never did drive so she was caught in a situation where she had to completely rely on someone to take her here or there. When Mom was first converted to the Jehovah Witness religion Dad didn't go along with it. Mom was always worried that Dad would be destroyed at the great battle of Armageddon.
Life as a teenager for me was very trying. All of my classmates had nice new homes, nice new cars, their parents had very good jobs, had earned a lot of money. I didn't have very many friends in school because I was a Jehovah Witness. I remember how much it used to bother me because I wasn't allowed to salute the flag and everybody else did. Saluting the flag is a real sin in their eyes. We were never taught as children about the very real emotional part of us. We were taught to live by rules and follow examples given by the watchtower.
In my high school years, I developed a rebellious nature. Everything I wanted to do was wrong. No one ever asked me to go anywhere, or do anything due to the strict rules. I just drifted along. In those days we had no television, VCR, videos or games to play. In school I was very quiet and never contributed anything to class discussions.
After I graduated from high school I married a man who was a non-Jehovah's Witness, a drunkard and a wife beater. I lived in hell for five long, lonely, years. The one good thing that came out of this marriage was I had a very handsome young son. What a hard life we had. No place to live and no food. My job didn't give us enough money to survive on. Whenever my ex-husband worked all the money went for drinking. My ex-husband was extremely jealous, possessive and whenever anyone looked at me he would beat me up. I finally got a divorce, but was deathly afraid of him and his actions.
My sister and her husband moved away from Connecticut in 1972. My Father and Mother moved up to Wisconsin too. I had just gotten through with a divorce, so I moved to Wisconsin with my young son Ron to start a new life. What a surprise I was in for! When I moved up to Wisconsin, I couldn't find a job. I went on welfare temporarily so that my Ron and myself could be taken care of until I could find work.
Shortly after moving to Wisconsin my Mother introduced me to a man who was a Jehovah witness. At that time in 1974 the Jehovah's Witnesses were really strong into the belief that 1975 would be the end of the world. I did not feel that I was worthy to be saved from Armageddon and I thought for sure that I would be killed along with my young son because we weren't Jehovah Witnesses. I believed that my fiancé to be could save me from being destroyed, as well as I really wanted to have another baby because I love children. So I married again. It wasn't long before I had realized I made a mistake, my new husband hated my young son Ron. He completely changed from being a loving man to being a very controlling, manipulating man. It wasn't long before he took my car away. He had a cabin for us to live in that was very isolated and away from all other people. He wouldn't let us have a telephone. He wouldn't let me drive any of his vehicles. Our whole life was comprised of going to the kingdom hall of Jehovah's Witnesses; once in a while he would let me go along to the store with him to buy groceries and supplies. He wouldn't allow me to work away from him, or go to get certain training so I could get a job. He wouldn't let me work in the home care either. I felt so trapped, and I didn't know how to get out of the situation, I stayed with it for 22 years. He was very mean to Ron and abused him many times physically. Looking back on it now, I don't know which is more addictive religion or alcohol.
My husband didn't have a job because the end of the world was right around the corner and so why work? I finally convinced him that we had to find a job to take care of ourselves. He decided to be a logger, so we went into the logging business together. I bunched the logs after he'd cut them. We also sold firewood and peeled poplar. After a while, I learned to run the chain saw. As I was on welfare at the time I couldn't earn any money so he took what money I earned and put it on his check. We lived mostly off money I got from welfare. I also got quite a lot of food stamps.
Our marriage produced four beautiful children. They were three boys and one little girl. The whole family worked in the woods, as soon as the kids were about one year old. I had to bundle them up very good because it is very cold here in Northern Wisconsin. I would be working and they would be close to my side. I had to always watch them, as I was afraid they would get in the way of the falling trees. It usually wasn't long until they were fussing because they were cold. I would have to warm up the car by turning on the heater. He controlled all the money. I worked for him for free for 12 years while I was on welfare. On the income tax forms he never added my name so now I have very little Social Security benefits during my current disability.
On August 30th, 1993 a major life event threw me into a deep, dark depression. On that day, as usual I had to take care of my father who had had a hip operation, and was very old. I left home early that morning leaving my husband in the care of our three young children. When I left to take care of my father I had clothes laid out for my youngest daughter. She was five years old and could dress herself. I left at about 7:05 and the school bus was supposed to come at 8:00. At quarter to eight in the morning he called me at my father's house and told me he couldn't find the two boys. They should be going to school on the bus. I came home, looked around the house, and then I looked around the grounds. There was no sign of the boys, then he said, "the car is missing" I looked; sure enough the car was missing. It was a rainy day, so of course I looked for tracks in the mud. The tracks in the mud showed up plainly. I followed the tracks down the road and into the trail; the Rail Trail is an old railroad bed that the kids use for hiking, biking, and three wheeling. It is a recreational trail that stretches from Prentice to Medford. I drove back home and told my husband that the boys had driven down into the trail.
My husband took my daughter and me in his truck down Spring Road to the beginning of the trail. He left us and walked in. He told us to wait there for him. We waited anxiously in the truck for a while and I wondered what to do. At the time, I didn't pay much attention to what time it was. He was in there and I decided to get out of the truck and walk down the trail to see if I could see anything. I walked about a couple of telephone pole lengths and then I heard a gunshot. I hurried back to the truck and drove in the trail. On my way down the trail I saw my husband coming and he was crying. I got really worried then said, "Where are the boys?" He said, "they're both dead and the gun is there, they killed themselves." I went totally numb. I wasn't used to dealing with death and no one had died in my family since I was a little girl of eight years old. I went into shock. I couldn't function. Things kept running through my mind. It was the last thing I had expected. How do you deal with losing two of your precious young sons at one time? Well the days when by slowly and my depression got very deep. I really didn't want to live and the quiet of the grave seemed very enticing at that time. There would be relief from the great mental anguish of such a loss that most couldn't ever comprehend unless it happened to them. Life kept going on and somehow I managed to keep doing the things that have to be done for the rest of the family. The whole area was in an uproar. Nobody could believe such a horrible thing could happen. The media was after me constantly because they had never heard of two little boys ending their lives that way.
Even after six years the pain I feel from this gets very intense and it is always there. There isn't one single day that I wake up in the morning and don't think about my two little boys and why that happened. The police say it was suicide, a double suicide but the case is still open. The police say each boy killed himself. The police had an investigation where they hired 10 special detectives who were used to dealing with this kind of thing and they all got together and tried to figure out what happened. To this day over six years later I still don't know for sure what happened that day, on the trail;
And I don't know if I will ever really know the truth.
In my mind, I blame the Jehovah's Witnesses because their whole religion is based upon death. They believe in a very vengeful God, an angry God. This angry God hates everybody who isn't a Jehovah's Witnesses and will kill them. This includes the children because their parents don't believe what the people from the watchtower told them. I found later on in the boys Watchtower literature that was in their Watchtower briefcase that they took to the Kingdom Hall, an actual map of the location of the suicides. There is only one way for salvation in that churches eyes and that is to be a Jehovah's Witnesses. There's also another way to escape the horrible bottle of Armageddon and that is to die before Armageddon. If anyone dies before Armageddon, they are guaranteed to live in a paradise earth. Did my little boys die because they wanted to live?
As I go through, all this pain and suffering; I am worried about my young daughter going through the same things that my boys had to go through, due to the Watchtower teachings of fear. There was only one way that I could make it through the rest of this life and that was to go through a second miserable divorce. I hired a lawyer because I absolutely had to have sole custody of my daughter plus I didn't want her involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses. The Watchtower Organization, that is the head of the Jehovah's Witnesses lined up one of their expert people to help the ex-husband testify against me. They used someone all the way from New York. In the end I did get sole custody with one exception. The one exception was that on my ex-husbands time, he had the right to have religious interaction with her. He could take her to his religious meetings with him. She didn't like it but was forced to go with him on his visiting time, which is every other weekend. The divorce was very stressful, as he wanted joint custody. The divorce took a very long year to complete. My daughter had a guardian ad lithem, a social worker, whom both advised the judge that my daughter shouldn't have to be forced to go to the watchtower. My daughter is twelve years old and we are still involved in this religious conflict.
This life has been a real hard lesson. If I could do it again I would do it completely different. First of all, when I was young, I would have been a lot more interested in my studies. My parents never taught us how important an education really was because the watchtower frowned upon getting an education. The watchtower hates to have people educated because then they will leave. The watchtower cannot control an educated person. They knew if the people were educated they wouldn't believe all the lies they heard.
Depression is treated by psychotherapy, sometimes medications. When one treatment is ineffective, it is likely that another one will be successful. For me, I found that optimism is sometimes good medicine. Usually life is exactly what you make of it. I deal with this problem one day at a time. This is a true story. It is also confidential.
Before I went to college, I worked for a company called the Great Northern Cabinetry. Because I had no education and no skills except for working in the woods, they had me hand-standing cabinet doors and cabinet parts all day long plus overtime. I developed carpal tunnel, tendonitis in both arms and wrist tendonitis in both wrists. I am permanently disabled now. The DVR bought me a voice-activated computer and now I am taking classes to become an administrative assistant so that I can take care of my young daughter and myself. I feel finely I'm on the way to a better life.
January 29, 2000
The facts are these two boys were murdered and this county we live in is run by a freemason judge and there also is a watchtower. A very well known lawyer Curt Lein says the town is locked up. He tried to get someone arrested for child molestation but got nowhere. What I need is support. For years I have been trying to get the police to do something. Since my boys were gone has been almost 8 years. Andrew Kole of kmedia group came to Ogema July10,11,and 12. He interviewed many people. Everyone said the same. That it was murder. Andrew and crew tried to interview the police because they know it was murder but they were too busy and Andrew had to leave. He tried four times. I need people to write to police. The public needs to know. Anyone who has any ideas please contact me.
Why can't anybody find answers?....Two boys have been killed and
seems to care. Well I do! And I will not be happy until this is
Kmedia came to Phillips to do a documentary and they got lots of
said they did not think it was a double suicide. How could two boys
were dead put leaves on top of the gun? (police report) Where does one
get this investigated? This is very hard on my family...Don't we
We are currently producing a documentary entitled "Walking Wounded", detailing the experiences of adult survivors of childhood spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuses can be emotional, psychological, physical and even sexual, and are very prevelant in our society. Often the religious/spiritual connection is hidden from view for various obvious reasons. Most churches /religious organizations take a dim view of 'rocks being turned over in their own backyard'. Seems that is also true of small rural towns. Had this incident occurred in a larger metro area, it would likely have been handled somewhat differently.
Some months ago we were contacted through the internet by Roberta Moore, in regards to her 2 son's deaths. During the weekend of July 8/9 we were in Chicago for some interviews and took the opportunity to check out Roberta's story.
It appears that there are several unanswered questions about the case. We were unable to interview the sherriff or the detective about the case, something about a 'small downed plane' which turned out to be a false alarm.
Our film is slated for completion early spring 2001, and we do not know as yet where and when it will be broadcast, however those details will eventually take care of themselves. Length of time is primarily because of conflicting production schedules with other projects, and timing of interviews from other remote locations around North America.
Although police and other officals seemed difficult to contact, plenty of people have very interesting comments about the Moore case.
Incidentally, is it true that former Sherriff Wayne Wersing (on the case at the time) is nowhere to be found...?
There seems to be plenty of public sentiment locally that it may not have been suicide, not that public sentiment is necessarily right.
We did drop by the 'Bee' office (4:55pm) last Tuesday but you where already closed. Unfortunately we had to get back to our other time commitments here.
Perhaps as a local service you could do some local research and discover that there is definitely an unfinished story there. If you would like to contact us for further information, please feel free to email me or to pre-arrange a phone interview if you care to.
Our interest in this is primarily for the healing of the Walking Wounded.
Back in summer of 1994 you made a documentary of the suicide of my two sons ages 10 and 13. You also hinted? that it was due to the Watch-Tower teachings of fear. You said we may never know what happened on that trail that day. One thing we do know is it wasn't suicide. It was a double murder. I would think people would like to know what really happened, but instead they run from it. I have a lot to tell and can prove it. People need to know the control and indoctrination that comes from not questioning and following a religion. Some of you have children.....beware for your childrens sake. We have to protect them from this evil.
On the autopsy report of Robert and Ben I will write what it says:
Samples of dried blood from the right upper extremity aare collected at the time of the postmortem examination.
Swabs from a small blood spot on the right forearm is obtained.
Were my boys drugged for a ritual?
Do you know anybody who would know if they saw this report?
If so send e-mail:
The business between myself and this religion has roots back into 1986. This thing is still going on as my ex is allowed by a FREEMASON JUDGE to take her to the KINGDOM HALL OF JEHOVAH WITNESSES.
My daughter has been writing things about wanting to 'kill everyone' she doesn't like because of what she is taught by the JEHOVAH WITNESSES. She has also written about how she wants to kill me. I am trying to get justice on my two son's behalf that were murdered... so far nothing but unanswered questions and cover-ups.
I know my sons were MURDERED and someone is walking around free because of the power of the WATCHTOWER and the FREEMASONS in this county.
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