Pentecostal Duck Conspiracy

PATRIOTS, BEHOLD!
MYSTICAL SQUIRREL SIGHTINGS
IN THE NEW MILLENIUM

by Morgan
Mister Gray-ears, Smooching, and the Pentecostal Duck Conspiracy:

For many years, when I was young, there was a skwerl who lived outside our home who went by the name of Mister Grey-ears. This skwerl was, like most of skwerl-kind, a criminal master mind of great degree. For years, Mister Grey-ears harrassed our cats through the screen door, and would even go so far as to bang on the glass and demand we attend his nutty desires whenever we should dare to leave the sliding glass door closed.

One day Mr. Grey-ears stopped coming around. Years went by. Then, one fine evening by the lake, my Patriot friend and I discovered the horrible truth! Mister Grey-ears hadn't dissappeared, and he hadn't died and gone to heaven as my mother always believed. He was, instead, running a retreat for Pentecostal ducks down at the lake.

At first, the ducks tried to appear normal, but it was too late: We had stumbled across their evil skwerl summoning duck ritual! oh, they tried to play cute and innocent! "Quack quack," they said, "We're just normal old ducks really...I mean, quack quack". Ah, but then we saw Mister Grey-ears appear out of a reddish mist that rose up from the ground, and the jig was up! The ducks had summoned the devil, aka Mr. Grey-ears.

We knew there was only one way to defend against the attack of the Pentecostal Ducks and their demon master. We quickly began a bout of smooching and other public displays of affection, which disgusts the duck commune... they cannot stand to see a nice young human Patriot boy and girl smooching by their lake. They were forced to turn their backs on us in disgust, and after a few more minutes of smooching (to make sure they were thwarted, of course) we fled the scene, never looking back to see if Demon Grey-ears was following - as we survived we guessed that he was powerless without his ducks.

And, that's why I was smooching down by the lake... I swear.




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