In Tantra, the vagina is a sacred part of the female body. The word for vagina in Sanskrit is Yoni, which means "sacred space" or "sacred temple." It is to be treated with respect and great care. The Yoni massage is a sensuous form of intimacy that builds trust between partners and brings them closer together emotionally and spiritually.
A person of either sex can perform Yoni massage on a woman, but, for the purpose of simplifying instruction, the receiver will be referred to here as "the woman" and the giver will be referred to as "the man."
Although the Yoni massage can be extremely stimulating, the purpose is not to bring the woman to orgasm. Rather, it is to relax both the giver and receiver and to bring emotions to the surface. Unlike modern sexual activity, there is no pressure to achieve climax. Both partners can focus entirely on relaxation without trying to reach a goal.
To prepare for the massage, the bladder of the receiver should be empty and both partners should bathe. Bathing together is preferred as it is relaxing and gets both parties in a romantic mood. It also helps if the woman's genital area has little or no hair because it makes for closer skin contact. Make sure the atmosphere encourages relaxation by lighting candles, playing soft music and keeping the room warm. Only perform the massage when you have a good deal of time and will not be rushed. Ensure that there is little to no possibility of interruption.
Before beginning the massage, the partners gaze into each other's eyes while embracing. This is a type of Tantric foreplay in which the couple forms an emotional and spiritual bond.
When both parties are ready for the massage, the woman lies on her back with one pillow under her head and another under her hips to elevate her pelvis. She bends her knees and opens her legs to expose her vagina, or Yoni.
The giver sits comfortably between the woman's legs with his legs crossed.
Prior to any physical contact, both partners perform Tantric breathing exercises to achieve total relaxation of the mind and body. There are several possible methods, but the gist of all of them is to breath deeply, slowly and in unison with each other. This deep breathing should continue throughout the entire massage.
The massage begins with other parts of the woman's body to encourage her to relax. The man gently but firmly massages her legs, thighs, stomach, breasts and arms before venturing toward the vagina.
Next, the man applies a lubricant to the outside on the woman's genitals. This can be a warm scented oil, which is particularly pleasurable for Tantric sex as it delights the senses and can be sensuously poured over the Yoni, or a substance such as K-Y Jelly. The lubricant should cover the entire outside of the Yoni.
Each step of the massage should be done slowly, gently and for at least a few minutes at a time. Again, this massage should not be rushed. Both partners should continue to focus on each other's eyes throughout the massage. Any step of the massage that causes discomfort or pain for the woman should be skipped. During the massage, the woman may choose to massage her breasts for further stimulation. Both parties must remain completely relaxed during the entire process. If at any time during the massage the woman has an orgasm, it is her choice whether or not to continue. Many women find that continuing with the massage produces several orgasms, each with increasing intensity. In Tantra, this is called "riding the wave." If the woman wishes to avoid orgasm, breathing deeply and relaxing as much as possible can help to at least postpone climax.
With the right hand (the right hand is used to balance the polarity of Tantra), the man massages the outer lips of the woman's genitals, commonly known as the mound. With his thumb and index finger, the man gently squeezes each lip of the Yoni, sliding his fingers up and down the entire length of each lip. Then, he carefully repeats this process with each inner lip of the vagina. He varies the pressure and speed of his touch according to his partner's preferences.
He then gently strokes the woman's clitoris in a circular motion, clockwise and counter-clockwise. Next, he squeezes the clitoris between his thumb and index finger.
Then, the man inserts his middle finger into the Yoni. Much time is spent inside the vagina exploring and massaging. Varying the speed and depth of his finger, the man feels inside the Yoni up, down and around. With his finger and palm pointing upward inside his partner's vagina, the man bends his finger to make contact with the woman's G-spot, known as the "sacred spot" in Tantra. If his partner wishes, the man can also insert his ring finger into the vagina. Some women enjoy the increased pressure of two fingers. Other options during this step include the man stimulating the woman's clitoris with his thumb and gently inserting his pinky into her anus while his middle finger (and possibly ring finger) remain inside her Yoni.
The massage continues until the woman decides it is time to stop. The couple may choose for other sexual activity to follow. An appropriate choice is the Lingam massage, the male form of the Yoni massage.
Yoni (pronounced YO-NEE) is a Sanskrit word for the vagina that is loosely translated as "Sacred Space" or "Sacred Temple." Its meaning and use is an alternate perspective from the Western view of the female genitals (i.e., Pussy, Cunt, Twat, etc., words which may or may not be complimentary depending on the intent of their usage). In Tantra, the Yoni is seen from a perspective of love and respect. This is especially helpful for men to learn.
The purpose of the Yoni Massage is to create a space for the woman (the receiver) to relax, and enter a state of high arousal and experience much pleasure from her Yoni. Her partner (the giver) experiences the joy of being of service and witnessing a special moment. The Yoni Massage can also be used as a form of safer sex (when latex gloves are used) and is an excellent activity to build trust and intimacy. Some massage and sex therapists use it to assist women to break through sexual blocks or trauma.
The goal of the Yoni massage is not orgasm. Orgasm is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal is simply to pleasure and massage the Yoni/vagina. From this perspective both receiver and giver can relax, and not have to worry about achieving something. When orgasm does occur it is usually more expanded, more intense and more satisfying. Orgasm is allowed to happen or not happen. It is also helpful for the giver to not expect anything in return. Just allow the receiver to enjoy the massage and to relax into herself afterwards. Of course, other sexual activity may follow but it should be entirely the receiver's choice. This perspective will build greater intimacy and trust, and will greatly expand your sexual horizons. PREPARATION: Bathing is always helpful as it relaxes both the receiver and giver.
A quiet space is desirable with pleasing music, candles, pillows, etc., or whatever makes the participants relax and feel safe. Allow yourself enough time and do not hurry through the process. Go to the bathroom before beginning the massage. The best results will occur when the bowels and bladder are empty and you will avoid the unnecessary experience of interrupting the massage to go to the bathroom. Connect with your partner by hugging, holding, eye gazing (looking into each other's eyes for an extended time), or whatever brings you to a place of safety and relaxation. PROCEDURE: Have the receiver lie on her back with pillows under her head so she can look down at her genitals and up at her partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under her hips. Her legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and her genitals clearly exposed for the massage. The giver sits cross-legged between the receivers' legs.
The giver may wish to sit on a pillow or cushion. This position allows full access to the Yoni and other parts of the body. Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Both giver and receiver should remember to keep breathing deeply, slowly and with relaxation during the entire process. The giver will gently remind the receiver to start breathing again if the receiver stops or takes shallower breaths. Deep breathing, not hyperventilating, is very important here.
Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, breasts, etc., to get the receiver to relax and for the giver to prepare for touching the Yoni.
Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil or lubricant on the mound of the Yoni. Pour just enough so that it drips down the outer lips and covers the outside of the Yoni. (Several excellent sexual lubricants are available for this. Many lingerie shops, sex toy shops, sex magazines, etc., offer these safe lubricants. My favourite is Yoni Play from Looking Good Enterprises.)
CAVEAT - Do not mix oil-based products with latex.
Begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips of the Yoni. Spend some time here and do not rush. Relax and enjoy giving the massage. Gently squeeze the outer lip between the thumb and index finger, and slide up and down the entire length of each lip. Do the same thing to the inner lips of the Yoni/vagina. Take your time.
The receiver can massage her own breasts or may just relax and continue breathing deeply. It is helpful for giver and receiver to look into each other's eyes as much as possible. The receiver can tell the giver if the pressure, speed, depth, etc., needs to be increased or decreased. Limit your speaking and focus on the pleasurable sensations. (It is my experience that too much talking gets one out of their feelings and diminishes the effects.)
Gently stroke the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circles. Gently squeeze it between thumb and index fingers. Do this as a massage and not to get the receiver off. The receiver will undoubtedly become very aroused but continue to encourage her to just relax and breathe.
Slowly and with great care, insert the middle finger of your right hand into the Yoni (there is a reason for using the right hand as opposed to the left. It has to do with polarity in Tantra). Very gently explore and massage the inside of the Yoni/ vagina with this finger. Take your time, be gentle, and feel up, down and sideways. Vary the depth, speed and pressure. Remember, this is a massage and you're nurturing and relaxing the Yoni. With your palm facing up, and the middle finger inside the Yoni, move the middle finger in a "come here" gesture or crook back towards the palm. You will contact a spongy area of tissue just under the pubic bone, behind the clitoris.
This is the G-spot or in Tantra, the sacred spot (there are many excellent books that go into detail about this area). Your partner may feel as if they have to urinate or it may be painful or pleasurable. Again vary the pressure, speed and pattern of movement. You can move side to side, back and forth, or in circles with your middle finger. You can also insert the finger that's between your middle finger and pinky. Check with your partner first before sticking two fingers into them. Most women should have no problem and will enjoy the increased stimulation from two fingers. Take your time and be very gentle. You may use the thumb of the right hand to stimulate the clitoris as well. An option to try if the receiver wants it is to insert the pinky of the right hand into her anus. Ask her first and do not insert your pinky into her Yoni/vagina after it has been in her anus. Use lubrication and be very gentle. (In Tantra, it is said that when your pinky is in her anus, the next finger and middle finger in her Yoni/vagina, and your thumb on her clitoris, "You are holding one of the mysteries of the universe in your hand.")
So, what is your left hand doing all this time? You can use it to massage the breasts, abdomen, or clitoris. If you massage the clitoris it's usually best to use your thumb in an up down motion, with the rest of your hand resting on and massaging the mound. The dual stimulation of right and left hands will provide much pleasure for the receiver. I do not recommend using your left hand to touch your own genitals because it may take your focus off the receiver. Remember, this massage is for her pleasure and much of the benefit comes from not only the physical stimulation but the intent as well. Continue massaging, trying different speeds, pressures and motions. Keep breathing and looking into each other's eyes. She may have powerful emotions come up and may cry. Just keep breathing and be gentle. Many women have been sexually abused and need to be healed. A giving, loving and patient partner can be of great value to her.
If she has an orgasm, keep her breathing, and continue massaging if she wants. More orgasms may occur, each gaining in intensity. In Tantra this is called "riding the wave." Many women can learn how to be multi-orgasmic with the Yoni Massage and a very patient partner.
Keep massaging until she tells you to stop. Very slowly, gently, and with respect, remove your hands. Allow her to just lay there and enjoy the afterglow of the Yoni massage. Cuddling or holding is very soothing as well. As you learn to master the Yoni Massage your sex life will be greatly enriched and you will learn a great deal about feminine sexuality.
There is a similar massage for men called the Lingam Massage. Lingam is a Sanskrit word for the penis that means, "Wand of Light."
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