Monday - January

The fans seem to be working; either the little critters can't materialize, project invisibly, because of the swirling floor fans and ceiling fan, of they're afraid that they'll be "sucked up", or it may be that the electromagnetic "inference", set up somehow thwarts them. I don't believe that the invisible negative - though entities (the "Jinns" who give me nightmares with horrible scenarios,) are the same entities who "separated" my astral body from my physical body, although I did awake later, again, to note that the ceiling fan I'd left on had been shut off, and I awoke, drenched. So maybe the fan is a partial defense...but against WHAT??! I had a peculiar nighttime experience of high strangeness. I 'awoke', (out of my body) in darkness by the hall steps just outside my bedroom. I thought I was, perhaps, in transit back from the bathroom.

As I stood there, wrapped in darkness, something; some small hand-puppet-like creature jumped on the back of my neck, gripping the back and snugly, moving up, positioned itself into the hollow of the nape of my neck, clinging tightly, snuggled deeply, holding on with a clamplike grip, warm small and unseen.

My hair stood straight up and I found I could not raise my arms to remove it, despite quick wrenching spasms of my head, neck and shoulders to dislodge it's grip form the back of my neck.

I was paralyzed with panic, aware of this evil strange tiny creature holding fast to my neck, and again realized that my gyrations and twitches and spins were useless; it clung on the more tightly.

Again I panicked realizing my arms were not working, and the creature had nestled snugly and held on, strange, silent and warmly stuck fast!

I realized that I was just outside the bedroom door and ran into the bedroom yelling, "Susan! Susan! What's on my neck?! What is it?! Can you see it?! What's on my NECK!!?" I writhed and danced.

I awoke, in bed, (in my body), with my wife, Susan, shaking me; leaning over me, looking at me with concern in her eyes.

"You were having a bad dream," she said "I had to wake you."

I realized that the tampering interdimensional "leak" of critters and my astral body - were more insidious and "tampering: could occur when I was asleep and "wandering"...

Very strange and creepy indigestible spiritual questions loom and dissipate. Only God can protect me.

Six months ago, strangely, at about five o'clock.

Mid -August, early in the morning, I awoke and looked up and down at my body in bed.

My feet were floating above my feet; two sets of , one above, one below. I was leaning up, waist bent, staring, feeling my whole body tingling, vibrating and I thought, more in fear than in awe; "That's what happens ate death?!!" My next unformed thought was that I had to stop this; I didn't want to die. But I fell into a deep sleep and awakened later, exhausted, not remembering.

That night, before dinner, Susan told me that my whole body had "shook without my seeing any appendage twitching" enough to wake her, a sound sleeper, the night before. I told her my early morning remembrance and I realized that these interdimensional thieves were stealing my astral body or "soul" and I felt deeply religious, frightened and aware of my "essence", not my body, that I had discovered valuable to these entities.

How could such a thing happen or be allowed to happen, in God's universe?

How can I explain their invisible , intrusive and harassing motives behavior and tactics? How can I resist without invoking 'revenge' or anger from these unseen thieves of body and soul? Who can I possible talk to about these assaults, nightmares, nosebleeds, dreams, and poltergeist -like experiences?

Who could understand or advise me?

Only another "abductee" or "experiencer" who has successfully resisted the evil of psychic or spiritual attacks. Wednesday - February

"And forgive us our trespassers as we forgive those who transgress against us" In the middle of playing bass guitar, at four in the afternoon, the radio on in the background, a feeling of sudden anxiety, free and floating, smacked me, making my stomach tight and my fear lever climb.

I closed my eyes in sudden panic.

In my mind's eye, three small blue - grey entities, stood at the door, inside, watching me. The "leader" "intruding" into my psyche or mind, usurping, 'taking control', causing anxiety; (as an intuitive approach signal, I recognized). I ordered them out, putting the guitar down, shutting off the stereo and amp and mentally ordered them out!!

Out!! Out !! Out!!

I was swept with their raw surprise; two left; evaporated, one, amazed, reluctant, lingered.

I recited the Lord's prayer and struggled, inwardly, to resist, ordering him out even as he hesitated repeatedly. It took five long minutes, minutes that seemed longer before the anxiety; i.e. the mental intrusion and I felt alone. But I wasn't. I went into the kitchen to boil water for tea, leaving the room, turning my back, my mind away form the feelings in the living room when a word, in my mind, emblazoned, looming appeared, in letters large and capital. "BEREAVEMENT". With my eyes open, the words hung in space, as an afterimage.

Were they sad I had resisted? Tough shit!! I thought. Would they make me grieve in nightmares, cry heartbreaking tears? What did it mean? Bad dreams? In four days I was on a plane booked at a hotel to attend my father -in - law's funeral in Florida. Both the airfare and hotel rates were listed as "BEREAVEMENT" rates on both receipts.

As well as being invisible they can see into the future and tell, warn us of it as suits them... But it seemed as if it were a 'slap', a rebuke, to have been told in such a cryptic stilted and intrusive off-handed way. It was the 'word' as much a response to my rejection of them as it was information. And most importantly it, the "WORD" strongly confirmed that anxiety IS a symptom that intuitively alerts me that the psychic intrusion, inference is happening. If the word hadn't appeared, I would not be sure that a wave of free-floating anxiety means they're already HERE and INSIDE... I was never really sure before. The word "BEREAVEMENT" confirms that I was right.

If I can fight "them" in the first initial stages I can resist more completely. But how can you fight something you can't see? They change tactics, redouble their efforts and make one pay heavily for resistance. They're addicted to abduction and also have access to interdimensional creatures, who do their bidding.

Fight?

Resist?

My analogy is one of cows grazing in a world - wide pasture. They are simply cows who eat grass under God's blue sky and don't acknowledge or analyze because they're only cows. But they love life and God and his skies and his grasses.

Occasionally, something odd, bizarre; an experience of high strangeness occurs; the farmer comes and milks the cows. Most pay no attention as the are just cows who eat grass and, the experience happens when they are asleep or dully unaware. The few (smart) cows who do resent the episodic intrusion who are aware of the subtle meddling, kick over the pail and spill the milk. They may even threaten the farmer himself.

For these cows, the farmer does not return; instead, he sends in the 'butcher' for these cows.

The 'butcher' is an evil, punishing entity, (interdimensional) who "MEDVED", "comes in the night" gives illnesses, infections, pains, organ disease, death, in bidding retribution for the abducting, but now thwarted entities, who resent resistance, in any form.

Tuesday - February

I often wonder, when at air terminals, awash in crowds, or at a ballgame, how, seemingly unaware "bovines are being "milked", or whether how many are truly troubled, aware of nighttime 'visitors'.

How many people, thronged in diverse pursuits know? How many merely suspect? The accumulated, slow built 'evidence' suddenly looms as obvious as a trout in the milk. But would cows recognize a trout in the milk?; most would go on to chew grass under God's blue skies and deny the subtle, spiritual interference as a 'bad dream', or their imagination.

There is electrical interference with the T.V., bands of static and white noise, every few seconds on all the channels, like someone is broadcasting, nearby, on all frequencies! Ticks and knocks are heard in the walls; laying in bed, in the darkness, I hear a soft but clear footfalls in the attic and on the roof, paddling. The floorboards red and termite ridden, creak and pop as unseen entities walk by my footboard, as I toss anxiously; try hard to ignore the sounds, telling myself "How can they just walk unseen, through walls and doors yet have enough seeming weight of specific gravity to hear them make the floor creak?" begin to pray, trying to mentally resist, calmly now, over and over telling them to go: "Be gone, unclean, evil spirit. Leave me alone, the power of Christ, himself, the Blood of the Martyrs, God, himself, orders you to leave."

-over and over -

I close my eyes, aware that anger, fear; all negative emotions are food to them. My repulse must be totally positive.

I try to think of them as marauding intrusive raccoons who stumble, motives unclear, into a trespass situation.

There are some who sat the entities forfeit. Their right to "no attack", physically when they intrude, but they never materialize even when I know they're PRESENT, physically, I cannot see them. Sometimes a quick moving shadow or a flash of lights, (as though traffic could reverberate lights into a room with the blinds shut), is what I imagine I see. (They either "cloak" the area of their presence, or being at a higher intelligence and vibration level (not higher morals) they are simply invisible.) But they're THERE. Outside of pictures of aliens I've (thankfully)not remembered seeing one ever. Perhaps I just keep my eyes closed and that explains the general "blackness" surrounding vivid abduction memories, dreamlike in quality.

"SLEEP!" "SLEEP!"

A hooded grey stands, tall, by the bed: "GO BACK TO SLEEP - DO NOT AWAKEN" forces my mind to resume dreaming. I am in blackness.

When I awake, bereft of memories, tired, I swing my legs over the bedside to reach the floor, and open my eyes.

A voice, in my head, not my own, but much like my own says:

"Time to activate"

That stops me cold as I rise. "Time to activate"?? That's hardly my jargon, word-salad, choice of words to describe starting another day; "Time to activate" chills me as,(forgive me), EGO - ALIEN to my thought processes. Here again,

I'm left to wonder, "What does it mean?" What? (I left as though a "walk -in" has occurred into my mind psyche; an interloper -possessing - entity. I refuse the thought; I don't feel any differently.) But that sentence is so strange it haunts me days, later.

"Time to activate"

Am I being monitored? Controlled? It sure feels like "Time to activate" could be their jargon relating to the stoppage of oversleep pattern into the consciousness.

Or is it replete with psychic or bodily conscious monitoring?

"Time to activate"

Activate what?!

What does it mean?!

I feel as though my inviolatible rights; rights over my body and spirit, have been repeatedly violated.

March - 1999 Just before going to bed I heard footfalls creaking the floorboards by the closet door. I close my eyes and mentally recite the Lord's prayer. A vision of a naked woman is flashed into my mind; heavy -set, voluptuous. As I examine it, eyes closed, I realize that the image is imposed on me for mental intrusion. I reject the image and try to see Jesus' face, or the 'Sacred Heart' of love that God has for mankind.

A white macabre mask of "Scream"; the phantom mask, mouth agape, eyes grimacing looms into my mind. I recognize that, it too, has been imposed, forced on me, to possibly scare me or answer my thoughts. I turn over in bed, eyes closed and reject , pityingly and with contempt, the attempt to startle me, holding a scornful, condescending, judgmental , disapproval of the entities efforts, I hold the thought of how ridiculous, paltry and ineffective the attempt at intrusion is.

I drift into sleep, confidently holding those thoughts against the entities and trust to God and my spirit guides to protect me while I sleep.

"St. Michael, Archangel of all angels, who defended God in Heaven, against the Devil, I call upon you now to defend us in battle against the Devil, whom I rebuke, and with God's help, send him to Hell, along with dark spirits who walk the Earth seeking to destroy men's souls. Amen."

"God, although I am not worthy, send me a guardian angel to protect me from evil; I ask God to surround me, wrap me, in a bubble of divine grace and light to protect my soul and body from being tampered with.

I ask that this white light of God's Grace and protection come into my soul to cleanse and purify it. I send out all my negativity, through this white light, like so much dark smoke, hurting no one. And I ask that God protects me in this white light, all day and especially, when I sleep, at night. Please God, protect me this day and every night. Amen."

"St. Lucy, patron saint of blindness, give me vision to sense the invisible, to see into the darkness, to raise both my arms, in defense, against the darkness and to have the light, divine light, protect me against interdimensional, invisible beings, who mean me ill." I drift off, into an uneasy sleep. ... If you BELIEVE strongly, that you are protected, somehow, they'll leave you alone. Why? Presence of mind is our greatest weapon; the ridicule factor, is their best 'defense'... Who, in one's 'right mind' can one even discuss these things with? Paper, is indeed, much more patient, than people. When did thing get worse?

It started at 8:00 P.M., 1995, Saturday night , December 2nd, after a series of 22 ice storms, we, in New York sustained, that winter. The ground crunched under my feet; icy -snow- covered sidewalks, underfoot, total, thick overcast overhead.(Old temperature about 30o, and very little wind)

I glanced up, overhead, coming into my backyard pantry door, dropped my groceries and stood, arms akimbo, staring up at a strange, but not yet disturbing or revealing sight. Overhead, a clean, crisp hole was cut into the overcast, revealing bright stars. It was as though a cookie- cutter had sliced a clean mile- circular hole, into the cloud - cover above.

Everywhere else was thickly overcast, but almost at zenith was a perfect circle of clearing. What looked like a red child's balloon floated into view, a bright red against the stars and outlined blackness. The red balloon stopped, joined by two more, which joined the first.

All three balloons hung red, overhead, stopped, in the center of the 'hole'. As I stared at neckbreaking zenith, puzzled at their not drifting, three more floated into view, at the rear of the growing formation, a flotilla, of red balloons.

All hung motionless overhead as I felt a sense of awe grow; my mouth fell open with raw wonder. As one more joined, slowly from the rear, assembling North to South, overhead, a group of Seven escaped red- children's balloons, hovered in the center of a blackness with bright stars, cut into a heavy cloud cover. What were they? Balloons drift with the wind; they're not migrating, hovering birds; what are they!?

I stared in wonder, awe tingling my forehead, stomach and arms.

Their color changed from bright red to light lavender purple, all together, all at once. Quickly, like minnows in a pond, they peeled off in pairs, from West to East, heading toward Montauk, and were gone in several seconds leaving the hole overhead; twinkling with stars; empty.

I am convinced that this "sighting" has everything to do with my spiritual and mental experiences of high strangeness.

Did they climb down the ladder of my awe to find me? Or is it that my "sighting' was no 'accident'?

Which one came first, the chicken or the egg? Maybe, it was the farmer that came first. Was that 'circle' for their needing visibility, or for me, needing visibility?

These meddling, harassing, unseen entities may be, in fact, the occupants of those 'crafts' I stared at. I cannot be truly alone; they must be many; like me; aware, resistant, troubled, and amazed.

If nothing else, these 'critters' have renewed wonder, in my life; the sense of AWE and faith; faith that the spirit world does, indeed, exist, and not only for malevolent entities. They've also destroyed the actuality and concept, itself, of getting a "good night's sleep." Sleep is now replete with danger and loss of control; consciousness and my astral body wander, unknowing, while I sleep, among beasities and monsters.

My parents always told me, when I awoke from childhood nightmares that monsters did not exist; not real ones. But they were wrong.

I was always taught; then, reasonably; that there was nothing in the darkness that wasn't already there in the daylight. They were wrong again.

So with the newfound, long lost, sense of faith and awe comes fear of the nighttime; the seeming primetime for bedroom visitors' activities.

How do they 'vibrate' a 'soul' out of a body?

(Why bother?) You could simply take a sleeping body.

What are they up to?

Where do they come from?

The human mind- brain is a powerful tool; perhaps it can repulse their efforts; if I focus.

I am always residually amazed at their psychic -mind -controlling powers; powers that seem easy enough to unleash on people, during the daylight hours, not just when they're dreaming, wrapped in self- delusional images.

(They seem to "enter" psychically, when one is in an altered state of awareness; hypnosis- like, as when one is driving or watching television; when "presence of mind" is altered, in some way. But sleeptime is commando tactics time, for them.

I thank God and my oversoul that I have rejected anxiety, as a constant companion, in my life, and now recognize its sudden, free- floating presence as the signature symptom of psychic- intrusion.

What a revelation, for me, personally; I must avoid evoking anxiety, by life situations, poor decisions, family disagreements, and calmly trust in a loving God, no matter what hardships occur; so that I can recognize the EGO- ALIEN wave, flash of gutbusting anxiety that signals me that they are "arrived" and already (partially) "inside".

March 1999

I have been visited by the "Butcher."

Since I began resistance, I've been plagued with multiple, concurrent mouth infections that required general anesthesia and surgery; and now just a month later, my internist has confirmed " I can feel your gut coming through; it's definitely a hernia."

(Pain in both sides of my groin area may mean a Double procedure...)

They mean business. (I am convinced that a good hypnotist is needed to give me unconscious protective techniques to serve me when I am unconscious, (in sleep.)) (Can they 'infect' or 'rip' astral frequencies to ruin the body's health?) God.

I am tempted to stop all psychic resistance and willingly relent if they will HEAL me, big -time; rather than watch my peripheral health slowly disintegrate, as I resist...

Their 'demon- like' qualities were reflected in a peculiar incident, one afternoon, as I was reading; Celtic -Irish accounts of 'elementals', 'earth -spirits' and 'fairies', who culturally bothered, harassed, visited, and abducted innocent people.

A thought came to me; "These aliens, these psychic -vampires are historically like indigenous cockroaches; culturally, they've been 'intrenched' everywhere, and as cockroaches, seek as 'unwanted, unclean, vermin dangerous to one's health!!" - Celtic folklore.

I was sitting in the same wooden chair, I am writing this now; seated at a table inlaid with floral- inlaid tile; my chair inches away from a wall where a Remington Western print and Paul Klee print hang. I got up, turned to rise and saw a monstrous, sedentary winged adult female cockroach, shiny in three fully inches of oily, resilient insect, on the wall, inches behind my recently moved head. I realized the potential for shock, panic, disgust, horror, fear, revulsion; infestation- anxiety(we are cockroach free); that those uncontrolled, negative feelings would feed the entity either in satisfaction or pure psychic energy. I controlled myself.

I walked over to the sink, breathing calmly, controlling my heartbeat and emotions, and in mild surprise and a modest sense of awe, at their seeming ability to pluck a creature I'd been thinking about interdimensionally, and respond to a mere unspoken thought, obviously monitored and appropriately, albeit evilly, responded to; I got a handful of towel- tissue, grabbed and drenched tight the enormous sexually mature cockroach and tossed the wad into the garbage pail, calmly.

Laconically, I thought "It's a good thing I didn't think of charging rhinos!"

The point is their omnipresent insidious, evil, mind- reading presence; I'd much rather be infested by cockroaches, than demons who can pull cockroaches out of thin air to make a point. The point is;, Evil: they're in control are telepathic, in nature.

The Christians were right, about "sin"; not the Jews. The Jews say "sin" is an act; not a thought. (One can think about homosexuality, murder, theft, rape, but only the Act is sinful; one must not act upon one's evil ideas.) The Ten Commandments speak only to overt acts, not thoughts. So does the U.S. law. The Christians believe God reads what is in the soul, or the mind, to know the inner 'sinner'. The evil is in the thought, itself. They are right; it's in the mind.

I have repeated proof that the unseen spirit world exists, (can be sinister) and reads minds. Their minds; their motives are murky.

My faith in God has been strengthened, proportionately; with each troubling experience of high strangeness. If there is a bottom spectrum of unseen evil, as a bottom, there MUST be a top spectrum of goodness and divine protection.

I have been snuck into (God's) faith by the back door. Only God knows, I need protection.

One of the off- shoots of harassment and other- worldly experiences, be it ghosts, revealing spirit -mediums, UFO abductions, is spiritual growth for the 'victim'. I don't believe that these 'creatures', harassing, malevolent, deceptive, are spirit guides who evolve our spirituality, but that such 'growth' is incidental to experiences of high strangeness.

Fairies, Jinns, aliens, are molesting entities, difficult and dangerous to 'shake'. But the power of the mind, as a tool; to rebuke them, positively, in protection, is not enough.

Divine protection brings hope.

Physical and psychic resistance?

Pinched nerves, ripped stomach muscles, infected areas of the mouth, nosebleeds, (Copius and left nostriled). Nightmares and exhaustion and tremors in the leg are the psychical ailments I've suffered concurrent with realization and resistance techniques. I know it's no coincidence and I'm only marginally paranoid, even after all these odd experiences. But I feel I've been thwarting the farmer's efforts to 'milk' me and the 'butcher' has been sent to lend ailment spitework, into the equation. I wish I could cause them BEREAVEMENT.

Anxiety- levels high, nervous late one night, hours before bed, aware of them, intrigued. Enconched in the ironic sense of their plaguing omnipresence, I posed a question playfully, internally; "Who was I physically in my previous lifetime?" I wondered, since they tamper with souls, throughout, and harass, intergenerately, in families, as well, that they have bothered me in previous soul experiences, as well as in this one. It was a frivolous, teasing, tangentially curious question, I asked, myself; never realizing that I would be provided and answer, of sorts. I relived it.

That night, I had a strange breathtakingly vivid dreamlike flash; unlike an evolving dream scenario, it was a five- second- long lightning flash, which was so short and so bright that like lightning, the scenes immediate afterimages have lingered without revealing the whole landscape. I was in mortal terror, panicked. I was in heartpounding transit running fast through a series of apartment rooms whose corner windows overlooked what looked like a second story modern street scene; cars moved among the parked vehicles.

The sunlight outside was bright, running, dry- mouthed, wide- eyed, gasping, in fear. I fearfully rounded the street corner and ran past a hall mirror, on the wall, before I reached for the doorknob, in desperate haste to leave the flat. In that mirror, I caught a glimpse of myself running for my life; as the door opened heart pounding; in full flight, the scene turned to blackness.

Inside - The person who ran was me; me in every feeling and nuance and thought, me in attitudes, likes and inclinations.

Outside - The picture, the lighting flash afterimage of the person in the mirror was a young girl of twenties, with blues and blonde hair of medium length, small in stature, pinched thin features clutching a bright red pocketbook.

I awoke realizing immediately that my question, seriously considered, had been given, fractional. Had they imposed these images, or 'retrieved' them form my subconscious? Was it a lie?

(I was stunned that I was to admit believe that the personality's nature, is unalterable; that much could be called the soul.)

What troubled me was that I had received a powerful answer on many levels. The may have monitored "me" in previous lifetimes when I was not "me" but really still was "me".

Why were they interested in one's soul? Can they "Splinter" the soul and kindle new flames from those sparks to create new souls for their own purposes; the way they would treat sperm or egg, baby samples, to create new somatic creatures?

I remember a voice in my head: "You are an old soul; a very old soul ..."

When I was nine or ten, school was immersing and enveloping. Once, during class, in the midst of grade school, in the fourth grade, during class, I realized that I had floated out of my body and, looking both ways to see, gauge, what reactions my classmates had to this miracle, and discovering none, whatsoever, floated up in delight and flew around the ceiling of the room. I saw all my classmates, below, engaged in animated conversation. Wild joy gripped my heart and I drifted through the large paned school windows unseen. I flew over buildings, chimneys, rooftop- advertisements, streets, the exhilaration of 'flying felt deep' in my gut, wide eyed with ecstasy.

Somehow, I was suddenly sitting, back in class. The teacher questioning meaninglessly and I wondered how I'd returned. Nobody had known I was gone. I blinked and stared, looking around, feeling very peculiar; I had left the class, been outside and I knew I hadn't just merely imagined such a thing.

I never mentioned this to anyone. Not even myself!